1st May 2011

I am a bit lost now.

I made my decision. But I regret it bitterly already.

I decided to go with uni accommodation, but after accepting the offer I then find out I have to pay for it in two (instead of the usual three which most places ask for) installments. The first in September is nearly £2,000 which is more than I will be getting from my maintenance loan + grant. So I will literally have ZERO pounds to live off of. I don't know how I am going to do it.

The second installment has to be paid in January and is around £1,700 so I will have about £300 to last me til Easter, if I'm lucky.

We are going to ring up on Tuesday and ask if it is possible to do it in three installments instead. I can afford the place, but not in two massive lump sums like that. If they split it into around £1,200 each time, I will have enough to live off of between each payment. But otherwise... well, I just can't do it.

I hate all of this. It's just so ridiculous. I just want to go to study and get a nice job out of it. Why do they have to make that so difficult?

Why does everyone complain how people from lower income families are lazy, never aspire to do better, always have crap jobs or education, etc? It's no surprise when the system is made for people with money. How can anyone get anywhere without it? I do have aspirations. Very high ones. But how can I live up to them if I don't have the money to get me there?

It's PATHETIC.

I just... I don't know. I wish there was a better way, or a way out of all of this.

Sigh.