22nd February 2012

Once again, a lot has happened which I CBA updating on here. But most importantly, we've now sorted a house for the next academic year. I'll be living with James, Kit and Stoyan.

I'm considering paying the extra rent and sort of moving in before September... I really don't like the thought of being at home for nearly 3 months. The one month at christmas was hard enough.. And that was split into two weeks at a time.

I mean, I'd go home for.. I dunno.. One or two weeks... Then spend one week in Derby, maybe... Just so it splits things up. And then I'd also have more chance of seeing people over the summer instead of being lonely at home. Also, it'd mean if I went to stay with James in Yarmouth I could lie and say I was in Derby and my parents wouldn't have any reason to doubt that.

I am so glad to have gotten away from Peterborough at last, so it bugs me to think I have to keep going back. I don't even like going back to visit my family. I know I sound so selfish and ungrateful. I do miss them a lot, but then no matter how much effort I put in to visit them and to have a nice time with them, I always end up feeling miserable.

Derby is a really nice place and I've met some amazing people which make it even better. When I do my work placement in a year and a half-ish, I want to stay in this area if it's possible. I think going back home for a year to work would be really silly. Financially it would be awesome - having a job but living with my family so I could save for the following year - but emotionally it'd just do me in.

But meh, we'll just have to see how things pan out.

5th February 2012

I'm not going to do a proper update kind of post, I'm just going to type about a very specific thing because it's on my mind and making me particularly happy (and kinda sad) right now.

I'm talking to James about cuddles, specifically during sleep. I'm getting all warm and fuzzy thinking about the amount of times we've fallen asleep in each other's arms, then during the night ended up rolling away from each other but then waking up to him wrapping his arms around me. It's such an amazing feeling. I mean, firstly there's the obvious sudden warmth against me which feels sooo good. But then there's the gentle squeeze as he pulls me close and all the love and comfort that oozes from him and washes over me... And most of the time he's half asleep when he does it so he's super cute and mumbles things.

That's usually if I've got my back to him. If we happen to be facing each other and I feel him stir, I love opening my eyes and seeing him look down at me, then shuffle closer and open his arms out for me to snuggle into.

I basically love any opportunity I get to cuddle him, but it really is the sleepy snuggles which are the most amazing. The silence and darkness (and cold!) just makes me so much more aware of the fact it's just me and him and our bodies and emotions and just yeah <3 I love it and I miss it soooo much...